New year, new plans

Three months ago I started a new treatment and I had high hopes that I’d be on this treatment for a while. I heard many stories of success and based on my previous treatment experience I am an “exceptional responder” — emphasis on exceptional 🙂

In November I had GREAT scans, almost a complete response, meaning the liver lesions were nearly gone and the ones that remained were tiny. My bone lesions were mixed with stability, shrinkage, and a little growth, but the important part was the liver response. My blood work also looked good. It was all signs point to the right direction, except I was starting to experience fevers again. Not as frequent or as intense though. My doctor in the U.S. said she wanted to see me at least one more time before we returned home at the end of January, just to make sure everything remained on course. I was determined to make my 6th trip back to Boston, in December, my VERY last before our return home. What’s the quote: the best laid plans..? yeah well as always, I am reminded I have no real control over cancer.

I returned in December, with fevers more frequent and my blood work looking a lot less ideal than I wanted. Like really not good. This was all a huge surprise because the November scans looked so good. I always say things with cancer seem to move so slow until they happen fast. I returned to Denmark with two units of blood, orders to get a liver MRI ASAP, and weekly blood work ahead of me.

My team in Denmark informed me last week that my liver MRI showed growth in the previously remaining liver lesions and a lot of new ones. This news just about crushed me. I felt defeated, scared, and sad. When a vital organ isn’t cooperating, your thoughts go in all directions, and not usually in a good way. My grand hopes for Xeloda to work for a while were dashed in an instant. Three months…that’s all I got from this treatment. Not even enough time to hold me until the end of January when we return to the US. I had almost four years on the last treatment and not even four months on this one.

My Dana Farber team quickly got to work, over the holidays no less, to create a new plan for me. I am returning in a couple of days to start a new treatment as quickly as possible. This time I’m moving on to an IV chemo — Enhertu. I’ll have to write more details later on the medication itself, but for now know that this is a targeted chemotherapy that comes with all of the hard side effects that chemo comes with. I haven’t done chemotherapy since 2016 when I was in treatment for early stage disease. I am scared and also grateful. Scared for the side effects, the impact it will have on my family, for this major chapter change in my treatment. But SO grateful for this drug that was recently approved for my subtype of cancer. Timing could be better, but I have hope that this drug will have the intensity I need to get the cancer under control. Also, so grateful for the Runway for Recovery team and that grant they gave me. Trip seven will be in the books soon and I can’t express how much less stress I have had to shoulder with their emotional and financial help.

A friend reminded me of my Runway video the other day by quoting my words. Cancer doesn’t get to win today and it doesn’t get to win tomorrow. I get to make that choice. I cannot control how my body will respond to the treatment, but I can control my attitude and how I live my life.

To distract us all from the hard days ahead we have headed up to Norway, where I am writing this post now. What a beautiful country with awe inspiring fjords, beautiful snow, fun trains, and kind people. I have enjoyed snuggling my kids, seeing smiles on all of us, and experiencing the natural beauty of this part of the world.

I may not be looking forward to the next treatment steps, but I know I don’t have to face this alone. I am heading back to the U.S. with the knowledge that I have family and friends at the ready to support me through this next step. For now, keep living intentionally and don’t let the hard stuff (the fear) take control.