3rd Cancerversary

Heads up: This post isn’t all rosy and pretty; it ends well though. I know I present as a strong and capable woman (mostly I am that), yet there is a pragmatic side to this whole story that I don’t delve into often because it’s dark, hopeless, and just downright terrifying. Happy Reading 🙂

Do you remember way back when I was first diagnosed, what I said the median survival was of someone with MBC? Three to five years. It’s not a lot. And if you’re thinking, “but Hannah, not everyone with MBC has the same risk/outcome,” you would be right. MBC isn’t one single type of breast cancer, and yet only 28% of people with MBC (all types) live past 5 years.

Why then am I telling you all of these things again?? Because I MADE IT TO 3 YEARS BABY! Yup, September 18th marked the 3rd anniversary of being told news that would alter my life forever. I am still in that clinical trial that I started in October 2018. This is still my first line of treatment, and my cancer is behaving well (small and stable) for now. THAT is something to celebrate, and yet the statistics are against me.

It’s impossible to reach this point and not think, “these could be my last 2 years.” I told you this was going to go dark. If you have heard me talk about my friends I have lost along the way, you know I call cancer an “inconvenient bitch” because it doesn’t take anyone’s plans into consideration. You could be fine one day and three months later be gone. Doctors can’t explain it; we cannot cure it; cancer is smart and will take you when it wants to.

But when I feel those dark and heavy thoughts encroaching in on me, I say NOT TODAY CANCER, and I attend my support group, have a therapy session, meditate, play with my kids, snuggle my family, hang out with my friends, or do anything that brings me closer to LIFE. Oh, and I say fuck a lot too, it helps, trust me. I am not fighting a battle, I am trying to manage this ever-consuming job I call MBC while also being a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend.

Let’s take a deep dive into the last three years. A little walk down memory lane. I have endured 115+ days of appointments, blood draws, scans, etc. Sometimes these days are quick, most of these days are long, and all of them interrupt my life and remind me that MBC is here to stay. Have I told you there is no cure?

As the oncology world calls, I am currently on cycle 51 of continuous daily medication, targeted therapy. Additionally, I take medication for my thyroid that stopped working due to my immunotherapy treatment and two meds for GI issues caused by the abemaciclib. If I don’t take them, I have chronic GI inflammation. There is also anastrozole to block the production and uptake of estrogen in my body. And a handful of other meds for pain or sleep or anxiety. That’s over 10,700 pills.

As I write this today, I feel pretty decent physically; I am hopeful that I will be an outlier; I am grateful for my medical team and the medications I am on; I am forward-thinking; I am resilient; I will keep going.

And the highlights from 2018-2021

• 1 genomic sequencing
• 2 brain MRIs and 7 total MRIs
• 1 ultrasound
• 40 CT scans
• 3 X-rays
• 6 pathology reports
• 2 surgeries
• 2 colonoscopies, 1 endoscopy
• 3 specialists (orthopedic, GI, and endocrinologist)
• 31 infusions (22 pembrolizumab infusions, lupron injections, and zometa every 3 months)
• SO MANY HOURS on the phone with insurance…..schedulers, nurses, pharmacies, etc.

Here is the best part of my MBC life: YOU. When my days are dark, you fill me up. Thank you community, for being there for my family and me through all of this and beyond. Because of you, we have been blessed and comforted in countless ways. I cannot quantify the effects of your generosity. Where cancer has changed or taken away from our family, you have inserted your kindness, joy, and love so that we are not left alone or without. It is immeasurable the number of meals that you have provided for us, the cards and care packages you have sent to me, the prayers and good energy you have lifted up for me, the hours of babysitting or carpooling you have covered for us, the money that you have raised and given to our family to make memories and help us breath easier for those early days when I was no longer working. Indeed, YOU are my highlight of the last three years. My kids and husband are pretty great too 😉

To celebrate this three-year milestone, take a deep breath in, and come back here tomorrow — it is the start of breast cancer awareness month and my 37th birthday, and I’ll be sharing how you can think beyond pink and honor me along the way.

XOXO