I’ve said from the beginning that cancer is an inconvenient bitch. On Sunday I had one of those inconvenient moments (Errr, more like 7+hrs). With a visit to urgent care and then the ER, I can confidently say that I don’t have pneumonia or a pulmonary embolism (PE), and I didn’t have a heart attack or stroke. But I still don’t know why I experienced what I experienced that landed me in a somewhat emergent situation.

Sunday afternoon I was happily sitting poolside, watching my kids play in the water while having a nice conversation with a friend when I felt my throat and chest sort of tightened. I could breathe, but taking a full breath was difficult. I slowly withdrew from the conversation (hoping no one would notice) and concentrated on my breathing. It felt like I could only fill the top part of my lungs with short quick breaths and if I tried to take a normal breath it would take a great deal of effort. It was frightening. But after about 5 min of calm, concentrated breathing I could breathe somewhat normally.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time this had happened to me. A little over a week before the pool episode, I had been at an awesome 40th birthday party when it happened the first time. We were outside, it was super humid and hot; I wasn’t exerting myself in any way, just talking with a friend when I realized I had that same feeling of tightness and labored breathing.

Now I didn’t call my oncologist the first time it happened; I was able to get inside, to a cool dry environment and I felt completely normal after that. Similarly, with the pool experience, once I was home and in the AC I could breathe somewhat normally. I say somewhat because I am recovering from an upper respiratory virus that started just a few days ago, so it is expected that my breathing wouldn’t be perfect. But with two incidences now I felt like a call to my oncologist was the right thing to do.

Dr. Tolaney wanted to rule out things like pneumonia, heart attack, and PE. I got all the tests (X-Ray, blood work, EKG, CT scan) and everything came back well within my normal ranges. I am so relieved that everything checked out. I’m curious why I had these little spells, but really hoping I don’t ever feel one again!

So yup, the whole ordeal took more than 7hrs of my day. I missed dinner with my family and missed putting my babies to bed. I am thankful for the family and friends I have that offered to keep me company or that helped to love on my kiddos during all of this.

This Thursday is my next infusion so I will see my oncology team and go over everything again. Maybe I’ll get some answers 🤷🏻‍♀️

Scans last Saturday show stable! Lucky #13 down. On days that I get scan results, I bring a friend, just in case I need the support if the results aren’t good. But since all the results so far have been great, we celebrate 🎉

I love leaving appointments laughing and joking around with my team. I am such a fangirl of this place. No other place I would ever want cancer care.

I don’t say this to mean I love being a patient. I don’t. I would love to have a typical 34-year-old body and experience. I would love to fill my time with a job that fulfills me and to have the energy and health to keep up working full time. I would love to garden and feel great the next day, not feel like I just aged 50 years. I would love to sit on the ground with my kids and feel confident that standing back up wasn’t going to hurt. I would love to unlearn the insides of many public restrooms. I would love to sleep fully through a night without waking from hot flashes/night sweats/insomnia. Just to name a few things…but at Dana Farber, I am well taken care of. I am confident my team brings their A-game to each of my appointments. And for this specific situation, I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Xoxo